THE BIG 3 OH!

I'll have my cake and eat it, thank you!

It is common knowledge that you should never ask a woman to reveal her age. Well, ask away!! I'm so excited to be turning 30!

I've evolved from this awkward , overweight young woman with awful skin and no sense of direction, to one who is confident in herself and what she is capable of.

Don't get me wrong. Outwardly, I was a confident child and teen who had many friends. But inwardly, I hated any positive attention. Awards. Compliments. Even flirting threw me off. I now realise that I avoided these cringe worthy moments at all costs because it meant that I had to accept a beauty in myself that I just did not see.

I look at some of the teens that I teach, and relive all those insecurities.

Not long ago, a learner of mine said that she thinks that I am the perfect woman. Strong and beautiful and one she aspires to be like, although she highly doubts that she'll ever become like me. I looked at her.

Acne ridden skin. Teeth adorned with metal. Plump physique. Awkward in her expressions and gestures. Unsure of herself.

I spoke to her like I was speaking to a version of my younger self.

"You're looking at the end product of a long process of self discovery,"I said with a smile. "And my journey is far from over."

I felt like she needed to know that her role models and heroines cannot be looked at with rose tinted glasses. That's not real. These women, that she so admires, are human. Flawed. Like her. And they were once insecure too. Perhaps they still are. They just hide it better.

She needed to know that without a shadow of a doubt, she would change. She would blossom, but she needed to accept herself as the bud with potential to bloom.

She smiled at me with a restored glimmer of hope in her eyes, and bounced out of my classroom.

It reminded me about how terrible being a teenager can be, and although I would never like to go back to that stage of my life, it's part of the human journey. It teaches resilience. The same resilience that allows me to overcome those moments of self-doubt, self-hate and just feeling lost.

The end product is not always what is most important. The journey counts too. The mistakes and lessons. The rejections and disappointments. The highs and lows of this thing called life.

So as I celebrate the next year of my life in a few weeks, I aim to continue to be introspective. To look within myself and admire my strengths and acknowledge my weaknesses. I will continue to grow and alter the things I can change, but more importantly, surrender to those I can't.