Up, Up and Away

A few months into our marriage, my husband and I had a conversation I never thought we'd have.

Emigration is something that had never crossed my mind. Being away from my family was not an option, until I realised that my newest little family, existing of Augusto, myself and our potential children, was most important. All of a sudden things shifted, and emigration made sense for our careers and the lifestyle we wanted to live. So we made the biggest and bravest decision, and decided to apply for a a permanent residency visa for Australia!

The process took a while and we experienced several moments of doubt and fear. We waited. And waited. (Our lives literally governed by one decision) And then we got the call. 06:30 am. Tuesday morning. It all changed. We carried the secret in our hearts all day. Trying to absorb what this meant for our lives. The excitement and disbelief quickly turned into an overwhelming sense of sadness and panic. There was so much to do. And even more to let go of.

Letting go is the hardest part. Letting go of spaces, moments, things, people.

First, I had to end my journey at a school I love so dearly. A school that has allowed me to grow enormously in both a professional and personal capacity. My learners, colleagues and I watched as my classroom emptied out slowly, and was no longer mine. It was no longer the space they saw me in, and it made them sad. It made both them and I realise that it was final. That I was going. Leaving a job is easy. Letting go of the place that inspires me, is not. At my farewell, a few learners wrote and presented the following poem to me:

THE ELEMENTS OF A SUNFLOWER

Provider of nutrients, soon to travel with the winds energised by beings,

She may never see again years of moulding,

Around the roots she had been holding.

The flavoured twist, a fabulous lift,

Her service was that of a good morning summer’s kiss,

For that we will miss.

Her spiritual touch, that words could not steal much.

Who knew the soil beneath us would be valued so much?

She is soil, provider of nutrients.

She is soil, elements of strength.

She is soil, of infinite value.

Her flow like a river, moving rocks and stones down shore.

Her walk like an ocean, causing rampages to the core.

Her attitude like a lake, as smooth and subtle as can be.

Her smile like a waterfall, bringing shimmer and shine to everybody.

She is water, provider of life.

She is water, quenching thirsty minds.

She is water, sprinkling abundance and love.

She is water, an element sent from God above.

As the sun’s sole purpose is to bring life, she doesn’t need assistance, it comes naturally.

She never keeps the light she has to herself, but instead she shares it with everyone.

In fact, gives all of it, so that she withholds none of it.

She is sun, drawing out all the dark areas of our lives.

She is sun, transforming what was once lifeless to vibrant.

She is sun, guiding her learners to a brighter future.

She is sun, continuously giving everything until there is nothing.

She is sun, shaping happiness in the form of a sunflower.

She is soil.

She is water.

She is sun.

The elements of a sunflower.

Vibrant and yellow, Ms Zoghby turned into Mrs Dos Santos.

Remembered for her greetings as we say goodbye.

Look up to the sky…you are a sunflower, that will never ever die.

Written by

Lilitha Makhawula, Dillon Pillay & Assante Ameen

I find comfort in knowing that I will remain in the hearts and minds of those that sifted through my hands in the last four years, and the impact those people have made on me, is everlasting. And, if I reached just one child, just once, that's enough.

Then we sold our home. A home we thought we'd be in for a long time. Both my husband and I lived with our parents before moving in together. In fact, he had actually never lived in another house besides the one he grew up in. So although owning our first property was an awesome achievement, it was a massive change that brought so much responsibility with it!

I recall sitting on the deck outside our bedroom, watching the sunset, sharing our feelings of anxiety and excitement about spending our first night in what was then, just an unfamiliar space. However, after a few months, it became our home and brought us so many moments of pleasure.

Although we no longer own it, it will always be ours. Our first home together! I will miss the morning light that streams through the windows and watching the gorgeous Jo'burg thunderstorms from the deck. I will miss the intimate meals around our dinner table. I will miss my happy little garden that gave me the most wonderful lemons and herbs, and always blossomed the most beautiful white roses. Letting go of a house is easy. Letting go of a home is not. But I guess our home will travel with us as we create a new one, elsewhere.

We sold most of our things, one piece at a time and I cried a little less each time something left our lives. It got easier. and although we were left with very little, it was enough. Now all we have is 60kg of luggage and two, one-way tickets to a new life.

A life without the people and places we love, and that's the hardest part of our journey. Saying goodbye to everything that is a part of us. We don't know how we're going to do it. But we know that it is one of the sacrifices that comes with our decision.

Our new lives down under will, without a doubt, have moments of intense loneliness. We know that we will be incredibly homesick and miss South Africa and its people. We know that we will crave time with our families and miss being a part of a wonderful community. We can already feel how much we are giving up, and it breaks our hearts. We cry, a lot (even now as I write this), and intricate knots sit quietly in our stomachs every day, as our departure date creeps closer.

We are trying to embrace every emotion and moment. The sense of fear created by the unknown, the heartache of leaving loved ones behind, the exhilaration that comes with starting again and our deep faith that will lift us up in the lowest moments.

We know that God will travel with us, and give us the strength and guidance we need to start another wonderful life. That He will allow people to cross our paths to help us transition through this journey with ease. We know that our families will always welcome us with open hearts and arms when we return to visit, which will be as often as possible. And we know, without any doubt, that South Africa will always be our home, and own a large part of our hearts.